In
Iran women control marriages for their children, and much intrigue in
domestic life revolves around marital matters. A mother is typically on
the lookout for good marriage prospects at all times. Even if a mother
is diffident about marriage brokering, she is obliged to "clear the
path" for a marriage proposal. She does this by letting her counterpart
in the other family know that a proposal is forthcoming, or would be
welcome. She then must confer with her husband, who makes the formal
proposal in a social meeting between the two families. This kind of
background work is essential, because once the children are married, the
two families virtually merge, and have extensive rights and obligations
vis-á-vis each other that are close to a sacred duty. It is therefore
extremely important that the families be certain that they are
compatible before the marriage takes place.
Marriage
within the family is a common strategy, and a young man of marriageable
age has an absolute right of first refusal for his father's brother's
daughter—his patrilateral parallel cousin. The advantages for the
families in this kind of marriage are great. They already know each
other and are tied into the same social networks. Moreover, such a
marriage serves to consolidate wealth from the grandparents' generation
for the family. Matrilateral cross-cousin marriages are also common, and
exceed parallel-cousin marriages in urban areas, due perhaps to the
wife's stronger influence in family affairs in cities.
A
tray of multi-colored herbs and spices ( Sini-ye Aatel-O-Baatel) is
also set out on the "Sofreh-ye Aghd" to guard the couple from evil. The
seven herbs and spices are poppy seeds, wild rice, angelica, salt,
nigella seeds, black tea and frankincense.
Although
inbreeding would seem to be a potential problem, the historical
preference for marriage within the family continues, waning somewhat in
urban settings where other considerations such as profession and
education play a role in the choice of a spouse. In 1968, 25 percent of
urban marriages, 31 percent of rural marriages, and 51 percent of tribal
marriages were reported as endogamous. These percentages appear to have
increased somewhat following the Revolution.
In
Iran today a love match with someone outside of the family is clearly
not at all impossible, but even in such cases, except in the most
westernized families, the family visitation and negotiation must be
observed. Traditional marriages involve a formal contract drawn up by a
cleric. In the contract a series of payments are specified. The bride
brings a dowry to the marriage usually consisting of household goods and
her own clothing. A specified amount is written into the contract as
payment for the woman in the event of divorce. The wife after marriage
belongs to her husband's household and may have difficulty visiting her
relatives if her husband does not approve. Nevertheless, she retains her
own name, and may hold property in her own right, separate from her
husband.
The
wedding celebration is held after the signing of the contract. It is
really a prelude to the consummation of the marriage, which takes place
typically at the end of the evening, or, in rural areas, at the end of
several days' celebration. In many areas of Iran it is still important
that the bride be virginal, and the bedsheets are carefully inspected to
ensure this. A wise mother gives her daughter a vial of chicken blood
"just in case." The new couple may live with their relatives for a time
until they can set up their own household. This is more common in rural
than in urban areas.
Iran
is an Islamic nation, and polygyny is allowed. It is not widely
practiced, however, because Iranian officials in this century have
followed the Islamic prescription that a man taking two wives must treat
them with absolute equality. Women in polygynous marriages hold their
husbands to this and will seek legal relief if they feel they are
disadvantaged. Statistics are difficult to ascertain, but one recent
study claims that only 1 percent of all marriages are polygynous.
Divorce
is less common in Iran than in the West. Families prefer to stay
together even under difficult circumstances, since it is extremely
difficult to disentangle the close network of interrelationships between
the two extended families of the marriage pair. One recent study claims
that the divorce rate is 10 percent in Iran. For Iranians moving to the
United States the rate is 66 percent, suggesting that cultural forces
tend to keep couples from separating.
Children
of a marriage belong to the father. After a divorce, men assume custody
of boys over three years and girls over seven. Women have been known to
renounce their divorce payment in exchange for custody of their
children. There is no impediment to remarriage with another partner for
either men or women.